Conversations with God

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Scared

I'm genuinely terrified about this term. I'm scared that I won't finish my dissertation in time, or that it'll be awful. I'm scared that I won't do enough revision. I'm scared that I'll do really badly in the exams. I'm scared that I'll fail. I'm scared about next year. I'm afraid I won't find a job, or anywhere to live. I'm scared about what's going to happen with me and M. I'm scared that he'll change and stop loving me. Please take away my fears Jesus. I love you. I trust you. I give you my future, and I give you everything that terrifies me because I trust that you love me. I know that you love me. I know that I'm safe in your hands.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Come on...

I'm so frustrated with myself. I should be working extra hard because my dissertation is due in in three and a half weeks, and I've wasted so much time today. Please help me to apply myself Jesus. I want to enjoy being back, but please let me enjoy working hard.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Thank you

Jesus thank you. Thank you for M, and that I'm going to see him and his family tomorrow. Thank you for my friends at PP who really make me feel so welcome. Thank you for all the new relationships developing, you did good when you created love. Thank you that I can trust you. I can trust that you're in control. Thank you for the feeling I get in my tummy when I think about M...it reminds me of an assembly my old headteacher gave, about a little boy knowing he was in love because it felt like Christmas in his tummy. Thank you that my future is in your hands, and that you have amazing plans for me. Thank you for my cell, and the way that they're all growing so much. Thank you that it's nearly summer, and it's nearly my birthday.

I love you.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Bit of a slow start

Hmmm...not done very well so far, mostly because I'm not in my room at the moment so don't have constant access to the net. I'm in the computer room at the moment, which seems like a funny place to be praying, because of other people about, but that's just me being silly. I had such a good time in Skegness. Thank you for what I learnt and how I grew. Thank you for the thoughtful times and the silly times, the fun times and the serious times. Thank you for the new friendships I made, and for the old ones that were deepened. Thank you so much for what you're doing in R, I'm very excited about that. Show us how to love him, teach him and serve him. Please give me & M wisdom. The idea of marriage excites me and scares me at the same time. I don't want to spend all my time obsessing about it, but I don't want to stick my head in the sand and not even think about it. The thing is, I don't think I know how to find the right balance. Would you give us wisdom about it. Help us know when to talk about it, and what kind of thing we should be talking about. I want us to enjoy our relationship now, but still be considering our future. And God, if it's not the right thing, please don't make it too painful. I love him, and I'm gonna keep loving him no matter what, but if this isn't right, help us to find that out sooner rather than later, and help us to keep loving each other whatever the outcome.

Please help me to get work done. I wanna enjoy my work. And God, I wanna bless you. I want you to use me for Your glory. Help me to hear you, to listen to your spirit. Use me however you want to, for the glory of your name.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

What's it all about?

I don't pray enough. I truly believe that prayer can change the world, yet I don't spend anywhere near enough time conversing with my God. And I waste way too much time on the internet. One of my newest ways to waste time is to read lots of blogs. Then I had an idea. Why not make a prayer blog? It's not for anyone in particular, except me and God. So the idea is I'll keep it up to date by regularly posting prayers. This is good, because it makes it really obvious when I've not been devoting enough time to it, and it provides a written record of what I've prayed - so I can see how God has answered the prayers. If you've stumbled across this somehow, and you want me to pray for anything for you, feel free to leave a comment or e-mail me. For the moment, I'm just gonna see how it goes.